


Fix, Change, and Deny

by ListeningBoy



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 04:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18025094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ListeningBoy/pseuds/ListeningBoy
Summary: Worried for his friend after he goes through a traumatic experience, Gavin tries to bring Nines to a therapist to help him recover. Unfortunately, the trip serves to pull up bad memories.





	Fix, Change, and Deny

**Author's Note:**

> This is a scene born from an idea some friends and I came up with. I think I hinted at the context enough within the story, but if anyone is confused I can give a more complete explanation.

Nines trembled through the entire car ride. His eyes switched from being wide and frantic, darting everywhere, searching for something physical that must be causing the distress signals blaring in front of him, and being closed tight, trying to block out the world as if he could pretend nothing existed outside of his own mind. One hand clutched the door, ready to fling it open at the slightest provocation, damage to his chassis be damned - in fact, he'd probably embrace the feeling - while the other was pulled into his chest, protected by the curl of his torso. The LED on his temple didn’t change once from its solid red.

His eyes flung open when the car stopped, scanning their surroundings, the small parking lot empty but for themselves and a single car in the section marked 'Staff Parking Only’. The building they were meant to be going into was just a house; without the sign outside to advertise its services it would fit in completely with the other residential buildings that surrounded it, but Nines knew what lay inside, waiting for him, the technicians ready to tear him open again, rebuild him to specifications that he would never be aware of even when he was expected to meet them. 

He startled when a hand settled on his knee, head snapping to face the man in the driver's seat, staring at him with pity in his eyes, just the same as everyone else had before they'd decided he should be improved.  _ Not you too… _

“Do you need a minute? We have some time, I can just wait out here with you until your appointment.” The words were spoken softly, like he was expected to dart at any moment, and yes, he might, but knowing that it was so obvious struck fear through his body, even though he had made no attempt to hide it.

“Gavin, please…” He forced the words out despite the urge to minimize the threat by staying silent that pressed at his mind. “Please don't make me do this…”

A deep huff filled the space between them, making Nines flinch back at the sound of disapproval. The hand was removed from him, raising to run through Gavin's uncombed locks. “Fuck, you know I don't want to Nines. I promise we wouldn't be here if I could think of any better options, but this is the best I could do. You need help, Nines, I can't just ignore the shit you've been doing! _ You tried to cut out your own eye,  _ for fuck's sake! I've barely slept in days because I'm worried you're gonna do something to yourself while I'm out, and I know you haven't gone into stasis in weeks!” Gavin's voice had raised through his short speech without his notice, but his attention was quickly captured by the high whine that cut through his words, the android beside him releasing the door to clutch both hands around himself. “Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to yell. It's just, I really am worried about you. Please, can you come in with me, just once? We can stop if you don't like it, I swear.”

Nines’ thin frame shook, and he curled further in on himself, trying desperately to condense himself into nothing. “I don't want to, please, I don't-” The words were cut off by a choked sob, though no tears came from his eyes. “W-Whatever's broken, I can fix it myself, I don't need to go in there, whatever you want, I'll change whatever you want!”

Gavin's heart clenched at hearing those whimpered pleas. “We talked about this, Nines, remember? We're here to see the therapist. She's not going to try to fix you, she just wants to help you, just like me. No one is going to touch you in there and I'll be right beside you if they try.”

As convincing as he sounded, it couldn't stop Nines’ thirium pump from beating hard in his chest, nor the buzz filling his head from the rush of emotions being processed every second. Deep breaths were pulled into his lungs, the cool air helping to push him away from the brink of overheating that he had been worryingly close to.

Nevertheless, Nines knew he couldn't refuse.  _ If he tried, he'd only be forced instead. _  He was about to concede, to allow himself to be dragged into what he was sure would be a reenactment of his worst nightmares, when Gavin spoke up instead. “Are you okay to be left alone right now?”

The words shocked him for a moment. Was he? He wouldn't try to damage himself, if that's what Gavin wanted to know. Those moments when he felt the need to scratch and dent his chassis, covering himself with nigh invisible imperfections, were always calm and methodical; there would be nothing like that today, with his emotions running high and mind clouded with fear. A jerky shake of the head was given in response.  _ But why would you leave me… _

He got his answer directly as Gavin prepared to leave the car, grabbing at his keys and unbuckling himself. “I'm going to go wait by the entrance. You can leave, if you want. Go home, or to Connor's if you don't want to see me, he doesn't live far from here, and I won't stop you. I won't fight you about this when I get back.” He popped the door open, holding it with one foot on the pavement outside. Nines’ eyes had travelled to watch him as he spoke, and Gavin stared deeply into them, hoping the android could read the earnestness on his face. “I won't stop you. But it would mean the world to me if you could try this, just for a day.”

With that, he pushed himself out the door, not looking back once it was shut and he walked the short distance to the stairs leading up to the entrance. He didn't turn even when he settled himself there, leading on a railing, facing away from the car so Nines could make his choice without feeling like he was being watched.

Nines didn't move. His mind raced, looking for the trap lying in wait for him. The guards coming out of the building to grab him, to drag him inside and strap him down. Nothing came. There was no sign of the shouting or heavy footsteps that haunted his dreams and his waking hours, only the occasional sound of a car slowly driving down one of the nearby side streets. Minutes ticked by before he gathered the willpower to follow Gavin's lead and exit the car.

Though he had to have heard the slam of the car door, the detective didn't so much as flinch, still staring out over the railing at the road that disappeared shortly over the crest of a small hill. The view had to be uninteresting, but he didn't seem to mind, not even showing his typical signs of impatience, tapping feet and subtly shaking hands; clearly he was focusing on suppressing them, perhaps to avoid pressing Nines with a feeling of urgency. The android had to appreciate that, but still he hesitated to join Gavin.

Reaching out to determine his position and the city around him, he found that what Gavin had said was true; Connor lived not far away, his apartment building only a twenty or so minute walk away. Nines could go there, hide until Gavin gave up on this whole idea. Connor understood his fears, had somewhat lived through the experience himself when they had interfaced after Nines came out of the repair center. He would probably side against Nines' choice, but would accept it nonetheless, unlike any of his other contacts.

Nines knew Gavin wouldn't be upset with him. He'd said as much, and his actions didn't say any differently. Through the entire experience, Gavin had been beside him, trying to keep him stable even though he could do nothing to protect him physically. Whatever choice Nines made, he was sure he wouldn't be left alone to deal with the consequences.

He was aware that his thoughts weren't logical, that the sign declaring the building to be a therapist's office wasn't lying to him, that he was safe now, outwardly without fault, without any indication of his imperfections that would prompt another repair job that wasn't asked for. Knowing didn't stop his thirium pump from racing, nor did it prevent the preconstructions from plaguing him, showing him over and over the scenarios that he feared even as he tried to shut them down.

Nines hadn't realized that he'd closed his eyes, shutting out the rest of the world to focus on his thoughts. They opened now, instantly returning to the human he'd been staring at before, still waiting for him to make a decision, fingers of one hand shaking slightly but not as strongly as they would if he wasn't controlling his reactions. The effort Gavin was putting in for him didn't escape him; they hadn't been especially close before, just work partners, and Nines still struggled to convince himself that their newfound friendship wasn't just guilt on the human's part at having seen him in his time of need and being unable to help, even if it had started as such.

Nines forced himself to hold that thought in his mind, that effort that had been put towards nothing but helping him to recover. It couldn't cover up his fear, but nothing else had even the chance to. Instead he pulled it to the forefront of his thoughts alongside the fear, allowing them to fight a silent war that locked his legs in place, preventing him from running away from the situation.

As this internal war waged on a notice appeared in his vision, an automatic alert reminding him that the appointment which had been set for him was set to start in only a few minutes. Nines cursed his programming, both the part of it that had picked up on the event and set a warning and the part that saw the notice and immediately tried to respond, pushing him a step forward before he could catch himself. That one step broke through the block he had imposed on himself, making him move almost without thought, across the parking lot to where his partner still stood, waiting. He tried to stop, to pull back again, not yet convinced towards either decision, but his feelings had decided for him, fear pulling back just enough to be momentarily overcome, but still lying in wait, he was sure, ready to pull him back into its thrall as soon as his guard was down.

Gavin heard the steps behind him, becoming louder as the android came close, but he didn't move, wanting to allow Nines to join him on the steps on his own. Only when the footsteps stopped and he felt a hand hesitantly touch his shoulder did he finally turn. 

Nines stood before him, eyes lowered, avoiding his gaze. He didn't want to risk seeing that pity again, or it might just push him over the edge, and he'd be rushing away before either of them could speak. He felt Gavin's hand take his own, holding it gently, and a moment later the other was pulled from where it was held in a fist against his chest, tightly clenched fingers being smoothed out and then intertwined with the detective's own. 

"Do you think you can go inside now?" Gavin asked quietly. He didn't get an answer, but the android tensed, head ducking further. Simulated breaths sped, a sure sign that he was falling once again into a state, so Gavin cut it off quickly. "How about we stay here for a bit? I've been here before, they won't care if we come in a bit late." He took Nines' sigh and the loosening of his shoulders as a yes, and began to guide him slowly down to sit together on one of the steps.

Nines watched the timer in his vision slowly tick down, refusing to think of anything else as the numbers dwindled. They would surely be late for his appointment, but given the lack of cars he imagined there wasn't much of a wait, and if Gavin did have experience here then there would probably be more lenience. All that was assuming that his fears were as unfounded as they seemed - highly likely.

He didn't miss what Gavin was doing, letting him sit out here, waiting for him to take the initiative in going into the building. The human was the only one he felt he could share his fears with, at least before today, as he presumed he'd have to do so again with the therapist once they met. Thus, Gavin was aware of the intricacies of those fears, knowing which parts of the experiences he'd gone through had stuck with him the most, and which were often triggers for his panicked behaviour - including that which stemmed from his lack of choice in the matter. Being taken inside unwillingly, even if he didn’t struggle, the thought that it could happen was the most terrifying part of this excursion.

Watching as the notice flashed as the timer reached 00:00:00, Nines waited for Gavin to realise they were missing his appointment and goad him into getting up. But as his vision cleared of the ignored warning and there was no movement from the man, he was able to somewhat convince himself of the nature of this trip. Still, he couldn’t yet bring himself to move on his own. He would go in, he thought Gavin was owed that much from him after all the work he’d put in to get Nines help, but not now. Instead, he allowed a clock to take up a small corner of his vision, giving himself a few minutes to just sit in silence, hands still clutched in the human’s warmer ones, enjoying simply the passage of time that he was in control of, this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Those last few paragraphs were a struggle to finish! I hope everyone enjoyed :)
> 
> Main Tumblr: http://listeningboy.tumblr.com  
> DBH Tumblr: http://gavinisqueerdbh.tumblr.com  
> PillowFort: https://www.pillowfort.io/ListeningBoy
> 
> Original Works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LOTW


End file.
